Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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