We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
