so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
