You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
