My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
