I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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