my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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