Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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