whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
