I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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