Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
