My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
