I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
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