there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
