fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
