You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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