Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
