Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
