She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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