You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
