smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'm passing your future prison.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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