You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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