I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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