i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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