It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
