Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
