i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
