if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
