It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
