You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
