Me too!
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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