"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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