Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
