well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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