I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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