I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
