i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
