The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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