Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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