I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I currently don't understand fingers.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
