the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
