I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
