I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
