my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
