he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
