someone get that fucking seahorse.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
