I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
