i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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