dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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