get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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