STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He did a backflip because drugs
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
