Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
