you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
he shaved USA in his pubs
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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