I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize