a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
