He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
