seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
