Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
