I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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