Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Boobs are out for the taking
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
