I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
