You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
