Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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