I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
You can't special order awesome
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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