Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
